Memory 26: Thursday Gala Day!

My cousin who works at ABSCBN gave us passes for the movie Every Breath U Take. (Thanks much Kooch!!) The original plan was to watch it with Jovi, Jerica, Jemaica, and Pia but due to some budget situation, me and Janica ended up watching it together. It was our second cinema date. The first was Unofficially Yours.

Call time's at 11AM but we met at 4. Good thing I met up with Cha in Gateway for a small chat so I didn't wait for a longer time. Since we're already late for the 4:40 showing of Every Breath U Take, we didn't see the opening. Anyway, we were enjoying our popcorn and drinks while reacting to funny and sweet scenes from the movie. Can't elaborate some reactions since it includes not-for-broadcast-reactions. Hihihi.

All throughout the film, we were laughing and even teared up a bit especially when the film was about to end. There were scenes that really touched our hearts. I'm proud to say that I watched a Filipino film and it was worth it! It's a must watch film for romcom enthusiasts.

After the movie, we took some pictures. I really had fun with my cousin and I'm looking forward to watch Born To Love You with her and my new acquaintance, Ate Donna. Here are the pictures from our movie date...

After our movie date, I rushed to meet Betts at Star Mall near Shaw Station to watch PFW's Menswear. Since we were already late, we just decided to stroll around SMX Convention Center. There was a Super Bazaar with lots of designer bags, shoes, clothes, makeup and accessories. It was a beautiful sight! Betts and I vowed to prepare for next year's summer PFW. We didn't know this year's fashion week was invitation-based. Her boss didn't inform her but it's alright. We enjoyed the walkathon and the milk tea!!

So there's my Thursday Gala Day! I really had fun though we ran out of time since I have to be home before midnight. I'm looking forward to more days like this. It was really fun! Till my next gala. Hihi.

Memory 25: All Eyes On Me

Realizations. I've been thinking about how I did for the past four years and I can say I'm proud of what I've become today in terms of growth and maturity. I guess bragging about yourself is not being arrogant but just a sign of confidence about being yourself. Anyway, this is one of my self-reflections.

Criticisms. This is what I've got to say about it: Accept criticisms graciously and learn from them. They are said to encourage a person to be better, to improve, and to realize a lot of things about oneself. I had a different view on criticisms before but I changed my mind eventually.

Before, I'm always worried about what others think of me. I would get really shy standing in front of many people. I held back my thoughts in group discussions. I couldn't find my voice in a crowd. Even if I had a lot to say, I'd rather let others say it and take credit. I was letting others shine while I let myself down.

But to tell you honestly, I always find the joy in helping others. Seeing them happy and satisfied is a fulfillment for me. For others, it may come across as too good to be true but for me, it's a sense of fulfillment. Though along the way, I must admit that I have struggled to find my own fulfillment for myself.

I've been through a lot on my last year in college and I learned a lot from it. I learned to accept criticisms graciously and never hold grudges. I never did actually. I just the criticisms get in and keep it to myself till I explode. Been there. When I exploded in anger and frustrations, that's when I learned to be strong. Like the Filipino cliche, "Pasok sa isang tenga, labas sa kabila." I think that's one of the sayings that I live by until now.

Now I value the art of letting go not just physically but also emotionally.


I've been surrounded with a lot of people and I wasn't able to realize then that I didn't know  who I was. And so when I got the chance to discover myself; I grabbed it and up to this day, I am learning about myself.

Right now, I can't say that I'm already set to reach for my dreams because I know I have to prepare myself first to the bigger world. A strong heart can conquer anything if one is ready to face what's out there. I think I'm not yet that strong to face what's beyond my circle. I guess I need more time.


Time. I value time better than before. It's like ticking on me and reminding me of what I should do. Also, it reminds me of how everyone is waiting for me to shine especially my parents and closest relatives. They're expecting a lot from me and I'm not here to disappoint anyone. I'll do what it takes to fulfill my dreams and theirs as well.


Having all eyes directed at you isn't bad at all. There's always something good in any bad. Whatever pushed me to be where I am now, kudos to you! Thank you for making me an improving fighter up to this day. I'm like the apprentice of a warrior and I love it. I'm going to fight with all my heart, soul and life for myself and my dearest family.


With that, I just want people to realize how much pressure they give to other people. It can help but too much will only make it bad.

Memory 24: In Our Hearts

It was the last quarter for the graduating batch of 2008 in St. Bridget School. Everyone was excited about graduation practices and togas. Even our teachers and other school administrators were all excited and proud at the same time to see us march and enter another chapter in our lives.

I was nervous than excited during that time. It was also a time where the graduating classes needed to find a perfect graduation song fit for the batch. The graduating seniors had three sections with a total of 137 students. I was one of them. Our class president came to me and asked if I could write something as a graduation song. That put a lot of pressure on me since the other class already submitted with complete music and arrangement. For our class president to ask me to write a song, it took me a lot of pressure. But I did it anyway just to give our music teachers choices for our graduation song.

And so I wrote a song and let my best friends hear it. I had no courage back then to show my work to my music teachers Sir Dio and Miss Charm. My best friend Mara pushed me and one day, I played the song to them. And right then, they agreed to make it as our graduation song. It was an honor for me. It was my second time to write a song and got appreciated for it.

Less than three weeks before graduation, Miss Charm asked me to play it in front of the batch. I never got the courage but Shane went with me in front and volunteered to play for me. And so I sang. The next day, we were all practicing for the song. Our music teachers even asked other aspiring singers from the batch to make up a band for the graduation song.

Many of my batch mates came to me and told me how much they like the song that I wrote for graduation. Since I don't know much about guitars, I just played with the basic chords. I even heard bad things that I just used a familiar melody for it and it's not an original composition. I may have used a familiar combination of chords but I had my own arrangement and lyrics. So that made my song different and unique.

March 14, 2008 came. Parents, relatives, friends, teachers, school administrators, and even the maintenance filled the auditorium. We marched with pride and savored the moment till the end.

When we're about to sing the graduation song, the emcee announced that I was the one who wrote it and that made my parents really proud. Even the lower batch came and heard it.

Anyway, since I can't post the music. I'll just share the lyrics. I actually lost the recorded file when my computer rebooted. So here it is...

IN OUR HEARTS

Music and lyrics by Faye Saguiguit 

This is the place where we all began

Experiencing all our first times

Thinking about nothing but play

Having fun with our friends each day

Day by day, we learn how life cycles

The simple math would soon be complicated

Values and faith were strengthened

Learned to appreciate even the smallest things

Refrain:

But even though we're about to face a new stage in our lives

We shouldn't be afraid to where our destiny may bring us

Just remember...

Chorus:

No matter what happens

No matter where our hearts lead us

We'll still be coming back here

And reminisce all that we've been through

Cherish every moment the way we've kept each other

In our hearts

Life's not only about fun but also about hardships

We've been through many struggles

Even finding ourselves was hard to do

And yet we still have the smiles to ease all these pains

(Repeat Refrain)

(Repeat Chorus)

Bridge:

We're taking another step towards a new life

We all know that this wouldn't be easy for all of us

But we must hold on to this change

And believe...

Believe...

(Repeat Chorus twice)

...in our hearts ♥

I promise as soon as I find the time to record it again, I'll post my own version here :) But here's a video of our batch singing the graduation song. I was playing the guitar. The one who uploaded the video didn't know I was the one who composed the song. Hihi. Anyway, enjoy!

In Our Hearts sang by St. Bridget's School Batch 2008

Memory 23: When I Can't Write

This calls for a "back to my memory lane" free pass. I already wrote something about giving music a chance again after letting it stay in the backseat for some time. I think it's my second or third post here (Check Blog Archives). I just want to balance everything that I want to happen in my life. Mark my words -- I'M GOING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Sun rays filled my room and touched my face to wake me up. The different warmth made me realize that it's another jobless day. Another home alone drama for me. 

I opened my computer to check any replies from different media outfit. But none came. Maybe it's not my lucky day.

I tried to amuse myself with social networking sites. But it only reminded me how lame my day would be again. I went downstairs and had breakfast with myself. The television kept entertaining me while I and my lonely oatmeal exchanged sad stories. Fun, isn't it? Felt like an old maid there. 

I lay down on the sofa and thought about everything. I am a fresh graduate, jobless, and lonely. How exciting but depressing at the same time. I just know there's something wrong with me. 

I reevaluated myself for the past four years. What have I been doing? I'm writing. Is it even my dream? No. Then why am I here? I don't know.

The summer heat got me nostalgic. I remembered the days when I would scream on top of my lungs that I will be a singer-songwriter someday. I thought about dancing too. And yes, I dreamed to be a performer. 

None of those dreams came to life. Maybe not today. Guess being a writer paved a different direction to my life. But unlike other writers out there, I am unsure of this direction. 

Every single day since I entered Journalism school, I always encountered a writer's block. I can't write anything. Or even think straight. I don't know how I managed to finish four years but a miracle just happened there. 

When I can't write, I listen to music. When I can't write, I sing my heart. When I can't write, I relive my dream in my heart. That's when I feel motivated. When I remember music, I feel inspired.

The sun is about to set and I stand here in the middle of the room. The lights are about to dim and so my hopes to have a job before summer ends. 

But my dreams of becoming a singer-songwriter will not dim with the lights. It will only shine brighter and will push me to this new direction -- a direction that I am willing to pursue no matter what even if I'm not a damn good writer.

Memory 22: Ten Things That Makes My Heart Flutter

I finished watching Dream High Season 1 last year and until now, I'm still hooked with the story and especially the characters. One of my favorite pairs is Jingook (Hyun Shihyuk) and Go Hyemi. Even if they didn't end up together, I still ship this couple. Hihi. They are childhood friends; though separated, they know each other by heart. When they met again, it took them awhile to remember each other but when they did; they were inseparable. Many circumstances came their way -- family and school -- but still tried to be together.

At the end, Go Hyemi changed her heart because of the unfortunate events that occured in Song Samdong's life. She became protective of him as a friend that eventually led to falling in love and since Samdong developed his feelings for Hyemi from the beginning of the story, it wasn't a hard love story.

Samdong was really firm that he wanted Hyemi and he told Jingook right in the face. Jingoo decided not to involve Hyemi about his struggle with his father even if she offered a-shoulder-to-cry-on.

Anyway, I don't want to elaborate the 16-episode-long idol drama of Dream High. I just want to emphasize the relationship of a man and a woman together with the circumstances in their lives. 


So with that, let me show you the ten things that I liked with Jingook and Hyemi's relationship -- the memories...

TEN THINGS THAT MAKES MY HEART FLUTTER

1. Jingook gave clues to remind Hyemi about their childhood.

2. On the first episode, Jingook helped Hyemi to escape from the loan sharks. They went to a place near the river and from then on, it became a place where Hyemi can cry her heart out. Upon seeing Hyemi cry under his helmet, he gave it to her so she can cry whenever she felt any pain or struggle.

3. When an incident happened in Kirin Arts School and Song Sam Dong got hurt from saving Hyemi, Jingook comforted the guilty Hyemi. He cleaned Hyemi's hands full of blood while telling her that Sam Dong will be fine.

4. In one of their classes, Hyemi sang "Winter Child" and dedicated it to Jingook. In connection to number 1, Hyemi realized what Jingook was trying to tell her about the yogurt drink. She then remembered their childhood memories and dedicated the song that she sang to Jingook when they were still young.

5. In preparation for their fake showcase, Hyemi and Jingook paired up. One of the dance steps included a sexy lift and position. Sam Dong, who became jealous since he likes Hyemi, tried to push them away from each other upon seeing this sexy stance.

6. On their first few weeks in Kirin, the hand picked students had a hard time adjusting including Hyemi and Jingook. Prior to this scene, girls kept talking about Hyemi who's standing in front of them waiting for a bus. Jingook offered the free space on the bench to Hyemi and sat with him. He gave out the left earphone plug to Hyemi. When Hyemi realized that there was no music, she understood that it was to pretend that she's not hearing any mean words from detractors. Both of them started pretending that they're listening to music.

7. During Hyemi's vulnerable times, Jingook came to her side and comforted her. There was a time when they are in the brink of their relationship because of Jingook's commitment to his father. Hyemi was so mad at Jingook for ditching her on their meeting, not knowing that Jingook's father was about to send him out of the country. He came to Teacher Kang's house and asked her to talk. She saw defeat from Jingook's eyes and just let him lean on her shoulder and cry.

8. When Hyemi found out that when Jingook came home with bruises and wounds, he went  to save her from the loan sharks. She judged him to be a hoodlum at first but when she knew it was for her, she thought of an act of gratitude for Jingook. Jingook left his big bike at Teacher Kang's house. It was snowing hard so Hyemi pulled out umbrellas to cover Jingook's big bike. Jingook saw her and when one umbrella fell out, he took it and angled to cover Hyemi as a sign of gratitude for taking care of his big bike.

9. Other sweet moments from my favorite couple. Isn't it super sweet? I hope it happens in real life but of course, Suzy will really end up with Taecyeon. Hihi.

10. This, for me, is the sweetest thing ever!! Back hugs! :">

Well the reason why I wrote this is because I want my MR. RIGHT GUY to do these things for me. Well not everything but I want a guy who's occasionally sweet.

A guy who doesn't think reminiscing is cheesy, holds the umbrella for me, sings for me, gives me the sweetest back hug ever, kisses me while we're riding the ferris wheel, confides in me when he's feeling down, dances with me, protects me from bad people, shares his helmet with me, let's me cry when I can't endure the pain, makes me laugh, and takes care of me. I know it's very ideal but there's nothing wrong with imagining someone who can actually do these things for a girl. Of course, he should do it without knowing that the girl dreams for her guy to do these things -- definitely, a guy with sense.

In this generation, these traits or actions are very hard to find. There are more aggressive men than romantic ones. Call it cheesy, but I'm still rooting for romantic guys who value the sweet nothings that every girl appreciates. I want that kind of guy. :)

Anyway, I just thought about the person who's destined for me. Of course, I don't know him yet because God is still writing my life story -- that includes my lovelife. Hehehe. I hope those Dream High fanatics like me shares this same sentiment with me especially the girls. What do you think?? :)

Memory 21: My Artistic Frustration

I never had the skills to create an extraordinary drawing or painting. I only knew how to draw stick people and a bit on nature. I'm not good with lines and other techniques in drawing. I only had a vision with less skills of an artist. I have kept some drawings from my high school during free period or while having class. Hihi.

Here are some of my works; if ever they can be called works of art...

I always wanted to sport a short hair but since I'm plus size, I don't have much confidence yet. Anyway, I also like warrior-looking women. A perfect example would be the amazons. I remember I even collected Ragnarok online cards with lady warriors with their cool battle wardrobe and weaponry. I like to play with extremes -- cute and lady-like but has an inner warrior within themselves.

   

My greatest weaknesses are the hands, feet, and face especially the eyes. I just don't know how to draw the hands and feet to match the body and aura that I'm trying to achieve. Anyway, the solution I came up with was to hide the arms and just forget about the feet. About the eyes, you will notice that it's the same with all of my sketches above. Hahaha. Anime eyes.

I remember I asked one of my closest friends, Shane to teach me how to draw starting with the basics. Since we had a class about drawing, the special lessons I had with her helped me a lot. She's an artist and knows how to manipulate the techniques in drawing. So to cut the long story short, I came up with this with her help. Pass or fail?

I have a few more sketches on my archive but I'll just show them to you next time. Hit the comment box if you think I should try to draw again. Hehe.

Memory 20: My Diamond Star

When I was a kid, I always listened to Jollibee's Isang Pamilya album. Yes! I'm a Jollibee baby back then. Anyway, there was one song written by Ogie Alcasid for the album. The title was Dear God. 

Here's my favorite part...

"Bago ko ipikit ang mata ng mahigpit. Bago pa managinip, kayo ang nasa isip. Ang tahanang ito may pagibig na totoo. Kaya abot hanggang langit ang pasasalamat ko. Dear God, salamat po sa pamilyang ito. Huwag niyo pong pababayaan ang mga minamahal ko. Dear God, salamat po panalangin ko'y dinggin. Sana laging may pagibig sa tahanan namin..."

It's my favorite because I know even if we have misunderstandings and differences; we have love in our family. We're not the perfect family or even trying to be one. We are the best in our own way and that's what I love about my family.

And I am not a good daughter. At times, yes but most of the time, I am really stubborn. I may have abused my parents' patience for me but at the end of the day, love will reign over us. I can't remember when I showed them the love that they deserve. Guess I'm not really that showy. I am into words... That's why I'm writing this.

Today is mother's day and I wanted to say these meaningful words to her.

 I LOVE YOU MAMA. 

I LOVE YOU FOREVER! <3

My mama always does the chores at home and I barely help her. I always sit around at home and let her do the chores.

But when I graduated, I tried bit by bit to help her. She would ask me to run errands for her and I would. At first, I hesitated since I'm lazy at times but I told myself, she rarely asked favors from me.

But above all, I want to say sorry for everything I did and refused to do in the past. I'm sorry Mama. I am really sorry. I love you with all of my heart. Thank you because if it wasn't for you and Papa, I wouldn't be here in this world. Thank you with all of my heart!

I know these words won't suffice but I just want to let you know, I will make mistakes again and again; even forget the things you told me. But one thing's for sure, I LOVE YOU FOREVER!!

Let this words come alive in the coming days, months, years, and forever that we will be together with Paput Paguddy. My Mamut Maguddy, you’re one in a million. You’re my diamond star!

Memory 19: A Confession To Remember & To Regret

Just wanna share. I've been keeping my thoughts to myself. I want to vent this out to shake off the frustrations. Hoping for the best -- that this feeling will be gone...soon.

I liked a guy who always smiles and exuded warmth to everyone that surrounds him. I liked him for he was thoughtful and funny. Liked. Was. Everything is all in the past now. Let me take you 3 years ago...

Physically, I like guys who are big, sort of bum. Chubby is a perfect fit. I'm into guys who have cute smiles and wit. I just fell in love with these physical characteristics whenever I see them. Personality wise, I just want someone who is responsible, funny, and respectful. I'm not choosy, right? What I look for in a guy is not hard to find. I am right. I found him. The perfect fit.

He was a classmate in one of my classes. I couldn't remember how or when but we clicked. On our first outdoor trip, we went to school together. Because we were earlier than the call time, we decided to have breakfast at a fast food chain. We sat across each other and felt like it was a date. We chatted and discreetly ate our meal. Of course, we were shy then.

After breakfast, it drizzled outside. Being the lazy person that I am, I ran outside without any umbrella. But he called me back while pulling something out from his bag -- an umbrella. He said in Filipino, "Ano ka ba. Magpayong tayo. Bawal magkasakit." He smiled at me and angled the umbrella to share it with me. I shyly said thank you and we went back inside the campus. He was struggling with his bag but he kept on holding the umbrella for me.

Upon reaching the bus, we placed our bags on the 3rd row, left side. I had the window side. That time, I felt secured. It is something that you feel when a man takes the side where the cars are coming when crossing the street; that kind of security.

We barely talked because it's a little awkward. He fell asleep and so I just listened to music. Random thoughts popped inside my head -- the what if's. I couldn't help it. He was just the ideal that I was looking for.

He even shared his utensils and lunch with me when he knew I didn't bring any packed lunch for the trip. I gave him one cheesecake as gratitude. He ate it in one bite.

On our second outdoor trip, we grew really close. We shared the same activity, walked and sit together all the time, and whispered things while everyone's busy with their own activities. I remembered I anchored my elbow on his knee while his arm rested on my back. We were sitting next to each other that time.

He was late that day and kept me waiting for 30 minutes. He was really sorry and paid for my tricycle ride. I hesitated but he insisted. Anyway, all throughout the day he was really sweet and nice. We spent more time together that day and even took the same route to our respective houses.

But it will take me forever to go further into the details. To cut the looooong story short, I fell for those sweet and nice actions. I started liking him. So let us fast forward to March 2012. Hihi.

Last year, I decided to write him a letter -- a confession. I just wanted to leave everything in college and even the feelings that grew for him. I wanted to be honest with him. So the day came, March 30, 2012.  As soon as the graduation rites ended, I gave him my letter. He gave me his graduation picture and smiled. He accepted the letter and asked me for a hug. It was a little tight and from there, I figured it out that he already knew what the letter meant. I felt relieved and sad -- I was able to say what's on my mind and heart but that would be the end of this college admiration.

After almost three weeks, I messaged him just to ask how he was doing. But until now, there's still no reply. I tried if he would talk to me but maybe when he read the letter and because I ended that part of my life, he ended our friendship in return. It was painful that when I became honest, I lost a good friend. His silence made me feel regretful. I should've kept my silence even if I would carry the feelings I have for him even after college. Or better, I should've ignored the idea of writing to him.

I am frustrated and disappointed right now. But it will be gone for sure. Time is all I need.

PS - What was written in the card was just one part of what I told him. I wrote a separate letter and told him everything I feel. Why I chose soul mate? It was because I felt I was Jandi. I like my soul mate, Jihoo but I know I have someone else whom I will truly love like Junpyo...in the future. :)

Memory 18: Bonding Of The Cousins

After our March 2012 family reunion, this phrase became an event for me and my cousins. It was not just a time to catch up but also a time where we can be ourselves -- letting go of our walls and be real to our dear cousins.

But the purpose of this "bonding" is all about sharing; everything that we missed from our childhood and the things that we've been through while we're apart. We have our own lives now but during special occasions, we make it a point that we bond like there's no tomorrow. Don't care about the sleepless nights or the stress from relatives that kept us from staying up late. Even if it's just two hours, it meant a lot for us.

I'm a bit sad that we bonded like this just now. We're super close before but I think after Kuya Lester left for abroad, we had our own thing with bonding -- separate circles and activities.

Kuya Rence made a huge effort to pull us back together even if he's burned out from work. And this year, 2012, was a landmark. Even if we're not totally complete, the reunion was one of the best reunions we had. Prior to that, our Christmas and New Year's celebration were a success. Kudos to Rence! He made it possible. He's just amazing!

Just wanna share...we have this favorite place at our grandparents' house -- the balcony. We spent our "bonding" and even shared our little secrets there. We could stay there for hours and just chat about everything.

One time, me and my parents decided to spend the Holy Week at my grandparents' house. My cousins came too since they live just blocks away. We ate lunch, snacks, and dinner together. At night, we stayed at the balcony and the bonding started. My cousin, Janica, asked interesting questions about science and religion. We exchanged ideas and stories. Even if we didn't find the answers to our questions, we enjoyed that it was not just talking or catching up, it became a bonding with learning.

We also bonded during our cousins' birthday-slash-swimming celebration. Even if I'm not a swimmer, I enjoyed playing with my cousins. I couldn't ask for a better summer. This is the best!

I'll keep you posted with more of our bonding soon. I'm sure there's more in the future!