Memory 25: All Eyes On Me

Realizations. I've been thinking about how I did for the past four years and I can say I'm proud of what I've become today in terms of growth and maturity. I guess bragging about yourself is not being arrogant but just a sign of confidence about being yourself. Anyway, this is one of my self-reflections.

Criticisms. This is what I've got to say about it: Accept criticisms graciously and learn from them. They are said to encourage a person to be better, to improve, and to realize a lot of things about oneself. I had a different view on criticisms before but I changed my mind eventually.

Before, I'm always worried about what others think of me. I would get really shy standing in front of many people. I held back my thoughts in group discussions. I couldn't find my voice in a crowd. Even if I had a lot to say, I'd rather let others say it and take credit. I was letting others shine while I let myself down.

But to tell you honestly, I always find the joy in helping others. Seeing them happy and satisfied is a fulfillment for me. For others, it may come across as too good to be true but for me, it's a sense of fulfillment. Though along the way, I must admit that I have struggled to find my own fulfillment for myself.

I've been through a lot on my last year in college and I learned a lot from it. I learned to accept criticisms graciously and never hold grudges. I never did actually. I just the criticisms get in and keep it to myself till I explode. Been there. When I exploded in anger and frustrations, that's when I learned to be strong. Like the Filipino cliche, "Pasok sa isang tenga, labas sa kabila." I think that's one of the sayings that I live by until now.

Now I value the art of letting go not just physically but also emotionally.


I've been surrounded with a lot of people and I wasn't able to realize then that I didn't know  who I was. And so when I got the chance to discover myself; I grabbed it and up to this day, I am learning about myself.

Right now, I can't say that I'm already set to reach for my dreams because I know I have to prepare myself first to the bigger world. A strong heart can conquer anything if one is ready to face what's out there. I think I'm not yet that strong to face what's beyond my circle. I guess I need more time.


Time. I value time better than before. It's like ticking on me and reminding me of what I should do. Also, it reminds me of how everyone is waiting for me to shine especially my parents and closest relatives. They're expecting a lot from me and I'm not here to disappoint anyone. I'll do what it takes to fulfill my dreams and theirs as well.


Having all eyes directed at you isn't bad at all. There's always something good in any bad. Whatever pushed me to be where I am now, kudos to you! Thank you for making me an improving fighter up to this day. I'm like the apprentice of a warrior and I love it. I'm going to fight with all my heart, soul and life for myself and my dearest family.


With that, I just want people to realize how much pressure they give to other people. It can help but too much will only make it bad.

Memory 5: It's been awhile, isn't it?

Wrote this on graduation month; March 16 to be exact. I think this would be a closure for what happened on my last semester in college. It has been a roller coaster ride and at first, you try to enjoy it even if you have motion sickness (In reality, I don't enjoy amusement parks that much. I have motion sickness). But at the end, you will feel dizzy and tell yourself, "Sometimes, you don't need to ride. Most of the time, you prefer seeing others enjoy the ride and find satisfaction just by looking." 

I think whatever you'll read below will explain further what I'm trying to say. Here you go...

It's been awhile since I last posted something. A lot of things happened to me on the last month of 2011 and continued till February this year, 2012. But now, I can say I feel much better. I am the happiest. :)

When something happens in your life, do you run away from it? Or do you face it with all courage? As for me, I ran away. I thought that was the best thing to do but at the end of the day, the problem's still there and tomorrow won't be just another day; it won't change a thing.

I tried to face my fears, my problems, everything. I thought I was doing well in adjusting and that I was coping. Was. I realized that I need to be real. I needed to be myself and from there, everything will fall to place. And so I did.

I didn't care if they ask what happened. I just know I'm doing something for myself; something that I haven't done in awhile. I did what I wanted to do, though there would still be awkwardness at first, I didn't mind. It's part of the process; the process of moving on and eventually, becoming mature.

I prayed a lot during the times that I felt helpless and lonely. God never left my side. I did. I left Him and never really acknowledge him for awhile. I would speak of Him but not of faith but because I needed to cheer up or support someone. I was doing a lot of "for someone" rather than doing it "for myself." At the end of that bitter past, God changed me gradually into a better person. I just needed to be angry and bitter for awhile. I just needed to be real of what exactly I feel that time. I was pretending. Was.

Now, I can say I don't have bitter feelings anymore and the anger is gone. I guess people just need time to reflect about themselves, seek God, and everything will be okay. I made mistakes that brought me here where I am now but those mistakes made me a better person. I learned a lot of my experiences. I am still learning and I won't stop here. It's a process, lifelong...

I just have something to share to everyone, "People don't always grow together. Sometimes, or most of the time, they grow apart." We just need to value the people that we love and who loves us as much as we can, with the time that is given to us. Life is short. We just have to make the most out of it.

I lost a lot of good and sincere people in my life and yes, I paid the price of not appreciating and respecting them. But I realized, I needed to experience that for me to learn, to see the bigger picture, and to know who I really am.

My professor in Sociology told us on our last meeting, "YOU SHOULD KNOW YOURSELF" and I believe she's right. Enough has been said. I already closed that chapter of my life. I am now enjoying this new journey that I'm in. Let's build new memories, either good or bad ones. This is the purpose of my blog. Good or bad memories count because they serve as life's lessons that will guide us to our journey through life. :)

Sorry for the vanity. Just want to share this picture with you. ^___^