THE PRE-BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

Four days before my birthday, I invited my relatives and close friends to a lunch at our new house. We enjoyed the homey food, magic sing, bonding with friends & cousins, and capturing moments. I really had a great time especially the "bonding of the cousins" at night and catching up with my best friends Xartee & his boyfriend Clyde and my college close friend Bettina. I super had fun. Better setup next time :)

Check the pictures here :)

Photos from July 28-29, 2012 Pre-Birthday Celebration

Memory 31: Emotionally Draining

This summer has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I've been positive about the things happening in my life but at the end of the day, reality check, I'm losing my hope bit by bit.

A friend told me that she shares the same sentiment with me. "Is there something wrong with me? I gave it my best but it's always not good enough," she whined. Those words screamed inside my head.

What is happening, really? Should I give myself a break for a month or two? I'm considering a summer vacation extension in a rainy season. Yes. My situation is that bad.

I'm thankful that somehow my parents are not pushing me but the thought that I want help them really bugs me. It's not an obligation but a responsibility that pushes me to make an action. I've done a lot of actions but none paid off. Maybe trying too hard is not the key. Timing it is. Why? No matter how dedicated you are, if it's not meant for you, nothing will happen.

But seriously, this is emotionally draining. Even if I have the strength to go out everyday, my heart wants to shut down. I feel like I can give more but I don't have the energy to push through in the end. When you know what will happen, it's not exciting anymore.

Besides the Almighty Father, my family and friends are my source of strength. I just think about them or scan our reunion pictures make me the happiest. Slowly, I regain my strength.

I just want to escape for a day to a far away place. Just me. I just want my alone time again like what I had in Calereuga. But it will take me some time to be in that place. Soon.

Memory 25: All Eyes On Me

Realizations. I've been thinking about how I did for the past four years and I can say I'm proud of what I've become today in terms of growth and maturity. I guess bragging about yourself is not being arrogant but just a sign of confidence about being yourself. Anyway, this is one of my self-reflections.

Criticisms. This is what I've got to say about it: Accept criticisms graciously and learn from them. They are said to encourage a person to be better, to improve, and to realize a lot of things about oneself. I had a different view on criticisms before but I changed my mind eventually.

Before, I'm always worried about what others think of me. I would get really shy standing in front of many people. I held back my thoughts in group discussions. I couldn't find my voice in a crowd. Even if I had a lot to say, I'd rather let others say it and take credit. I was letting others shine while I let myself down.

But to tell you honestly, I always find the joy in helping others. Seeing them happy and satisfied is a fulfillment for me. For others, it may come across as too good to be true but for me, it's a sense of fulfillment. Though along the way, I must admit that I have struggled to find my own fulfillment for myself.

I've been through a lot on my last year in college and I learned a lot from it. I learned to accept criticisms graciously and never hold grudges. I never did actually. I just the criticisms get in and keep it to myself till I explode. Been there. When I exploded in anger and frustrations, that's when I learned to be strong. Like the Filipino cliche, "Pasok sa isang tenga, labas sa kabila." I think that's one of the sayings that I live by until now.

Now I value the art of letting go not just physically but also emotionally.


I've been surrounded with a lot of people and I wasn't able to realize then that I didn't know  who I was. And so when I got the chance to discover myself; I grabbed it and up to this day, I am learning about myself.

Right now, I can't say that I'm already set to reach for my dreams because I know I have to prepare myself first to the bigger world. A strong heart can conquer anything if one is ready to face what's out there. I think I'm not yet that strong to face what's beyond my circle. I guess I need more time.


Time. I value time better than before. It's like ticking on me and reminding me of what I should do. Also, it reminds me of how everyone is waiting for me to shine especially my parents and closest relatives. They're expecting a lot from me and I'm not here to disappoint anyone. I'll do what it takes to fulfill my dreams and theirs as well.


Having all eyes directed at you isn't bad at all. There's always something good in any bad. Whatever pushed me to be where I am now, kudos to you! Thank you for making me an improving fighter up to this day. I'm like the apprentice of a warrior and I love it. I'm going to fight with all my heart, soul and life for myself and my dearest family.


With that, I just want people to realize how much pressure they give to other people. It can help but too much will only make it bad.