Memory 5: It's been awhile, isn't it?

Wrote this on graduation month; March 16 to be exact. I think this would be a closure for what happened on my last semester in college. It has been a roller coaster ride and at first, you try to enjoy it even if you have motion sickness (In reality, I don't enjoy amusement parks that much. I have motion sickness). But at the end, you will feel dizzy and tell yourself, "Sometimes, you don't need to ride. Most of the time, you prefer seeing others enjoy the ride and find satisfaction just by looking." 

I think whatever you'll read below will explain further what I'm trying to say. Here you go...

It's been awhile since I last posted something. A lot of things happened to me on the last month of 2011 and continued till February this year, 2012. But now, I can say I feel much better. I am the happiest. :)

When something happens in your life, do you run away from it? Or do you face it with all courage? As for me, I ran away. I thought that was the best thing to do but at the end of the day, the problem's still there and tomorrow won't be just another day; it won't change a thing.

I tried to face my fears, my problems, everything. I thought I was doing well in adjusting and that I was coping. Was. I realized that I need to be real. I needed to be myself and from there, everything will fall to place. And so I did.

I didn't care if they ask what happened. I just know I'm doing something for myself; something that I haven't done in awhile. I did what I wanted to do, though there would still be awkwardness at first, I didn't mind. It's part of the process; the process of moving on and eventually, becoming mature.

I prayed a lot during the times that I felt helpless and lonely. God never left my side. I did. I left Him and never really acknowledge him for awhile. I would speak of Him but not of faith but because I needed to cheer up or support someone. I was doing a lot of "for someone" rather than doing it "for myself." At the end of that bitter past, God changed me gradually into a better person. I just needed to be angry and bitter for awhile. I just needed to be real of what exactly I feel that time. I was pretending. Was.

Now, I can say I don't have bitter feelings anymore and the anger is gone. I guess people just need time to reflect about themselves, seek God, and everything will be okay. I made mistakes that brought me here where I am now but those mistakes made me a better person. I learned a lot of my experiences. I am still learning and I won't stop here. It's a process, lifelong...

I just have something to share to everyone, "People don't always grow together. Sometimes, or most of the time, they grow apart." We just need to value the people that we love and who loves us as much as we can, with the time that is given to us. Life is short. We just have to make the most out of it.

I lost a lot of good and sincere people in my life and yes, I paid the price of not appreciating and respecting them. But I realized, I needed to experience that for me to learn, to see the bigger picture, and to know who I really am.

My professor in Sociology told us on our last meeting, "YOU SHOULD KNOW YOURSELF" and I believe she's right. Enough has been said. I already closed that chapter of my life. I am now enjoying this new journey that I'm in. Let's build new memories, either good or bad ones. This is the purpose of my blog. Good or bad memories count because they serve as life's lessons that will guide us to our journey through life. :)

Sorry for the vanity. Just want to share this picture with you. ^___^

Memory 3: Till We Meet Again

A relative died November 7 last year. I couldn't look inside the casket. I wasn't afraid but I’d rather remember the faces of the dead when they were still alive. But besides that, what really caught my attention were the faces of our other relatives. I felt the grief and saw how much they wanted to have more time with her. But, they just let God continue with His plans for He knows what's best for everyone.

Here's what I think about death.

  

One should not fear death. It is just a separation of the soul from the materialism of this world. One must realize that in the next lifetime, everyone will be reunited in His graces, in His kingdom. One day, you and your loved one will meet again.

I entered this hall and quietly found a seat. My senses were awakened by the smell of the fresh flowers that filled the room and the sight of the pretty little pots neatly arranged infront with the lights on the side that made my eyes squint as I recognize the object at the center.

My mind wandered in the four corners of the hall. How can you find beauty in death? How can these flowers look so alive while they are placed next to a lifeless person? How can death be celebrated in this manner when after the days of mourning, the dead will remain dead? These questions lingered in my mind as my eyes observe the hall.

Death is not a bad or ugly thing. We lose our loved ones physically but their memories will remain with us. Either good or bad, it is still worth remembering.

As I look into the flowers that are beautifully arranged in front, I realized that it represents the life of a person. God planted the seed and nourished it till it’s full bloomed. But as time goes by, the flowers will reach its maximum beauty, and in that time, God will harvest it.

People come and go, wrote their names on this some form of log book outside the hall, stayed for a few minutes or even hours to express condolences to the family. A simple thing for some but it meant a lot to the family suffering a loss, or worse, losses.

Memories were recalled, relived and remembered as people try to cope from the loss. Is it enough that you had good memories with the person who died before you? Do good memories help you move on from the absence of the most important person in your life?

Right then I realized, yes, these people who lost their loved ones are grieving. Crying is one way of showing your emotions. But these people, they opted to share the memories of their beloved to their relatives and visitors. Their beloved lived a good life and rightfully deserves a celebration. Not death, but living a wonderful life.

It is painful to lose the one you love physically. Like what others say, you can never cope with the loss. You just get used to the pain. The absence of that person will only make it hard to cope but it’s not bad after all. Everyone is prepared for the next stage of our lives. God laid out His plans to us and we are given this life for us to cherish and value. One or two will go before us and that’s a fact. We just have to value this life as much as our beloved celebrated the wonder of God’s gift of life.

As I leave the hall, I took a short glance inside and sighed. I may not have the courage to see you for the last time but I will have the courage to say, TILL WE MEET AGAIN.