Memory 6: 5th of July 2010 (Roller Coaster)

I wrote this on the 17th of July 2010, 12 days after he entered the army. I was really sad to know that he'll be away for two years. I was worried about his family that time. He went through a lot of controversies and maybe enlisting in the army will be the solution for him to learn his lessons. I believe he learned a lot now. 

Before anything else, I am a huge KPOP fan especially Super Junior since the release of Don't Don (2008). But I'm exposed to Korean culture since Stairway to Heaven and Endless Love, two of the best Korean drama series was dubbed and aired here in the Philippines. When I started to be more curious about Korea and being the music lover that I am, I got interested with KPOP. So to cut the long story short, I noticed Kim Youngwoon, famously known as Kangin of Super Junior and the rest is history.

TODAY MARKED THE END OF HIS TWO-YEAR MILITARY SERVICE. KANGIN'S BACK!! WELCOME BACK MY LOVEY!! :)

WARNING: This was a product of my intense admiration for him. Hihi. I really felt sad when he decided to enter the army. Yes, I'm one of the ELF who really cried when he finally entered on July 5.

I want to give up. I want to give up on you. All of these are just my imaginations. If there’s a slight chance for it to be real, I am risking my life.

I want you. I love you. But love is not enough for it to work. I am alone. One-sided love, that is.

Could you make time for me when we meet? Could you look at me when I professed my love? Would you accept me? Reject me? Would you give me the chance to be with you? Would you?

I want to give up my feelings but you are attached to my heart too tight. I divert my focus to other things, but at the end of the day, I still go back to you. You are like a drug. Damn it. I am addicted to you.

No one owns you; neither I. For sure, when I step on the land of your country, I am just nobody. I cannot compete with them. They know you too much and I don’t. I just love you. Would that make me stand out among the rest? I love you. I love you. Isn’t it enough?

A lot of things came up. I don’t know what to believe until they released an official statement. So it’s true? I felt numb for awhile. I didn’t want to believe them. Could I just hear it from you?

You came out with your head bowing down so low. I cried, my love. Just smile for me. I understand how you feel.

A wave of pain struck my heart. My love, please give me the chance to comfort you. Don’t cry. Please smile again.

I drowned myself with liquor. The tears I cannot suppress anymore. It’s just too hard to bear. Sorry. I am too weak.

My friends embraced me saying that it will be alright. I am positive you’ll be alright. You’re strong, aren’t you? But me, who sees beyond your smiles, feels that you are not really okay. If I could take away your pain and make it mine, I will do it for you my love.

It’s been nine months. Still, the feeling lingers, but I won’t get tired of waiting for you.

When I see you again, please wear that smile I love. I will feel better when I see that. I will be happy. All I want is for you to be okay and I will be fine.

It’s a roller coaster for me. To love someone like you, it’s not new to me. I am an expert in one-sided love. But for you, it’s different. I have given a lot and I know it’s not good. You’re my only vice; the vice I won’t give up now.

HE IS MY SUNSHINE. He inspired me to write this.

You came back, as promised. I held onto his words and he's back!!

KANGIN HWAITING~ SUPER JUNIOR HWAITING~ ELFs HWAITING~!!

Memory 4: Getting In Touch With Insanity

Been hooked with Korean culture since I watched Full House, Stairway To Heaven, and Endless Love on TV. But what really made me stay in love with Korea is their music which they call K-POP (Korean Pop). I familiarized myself with the different boy and girl groups, shows, series, and even their language. At some point, I indulged in the world of RPG where imagination really takes you to a lot of places. Of course, moderation is advised.

I always say "My heart is in Seoul (South Korea)!" Here's my perspective on RPG.

CHAPTER 1

In the world of RPG (Role Playing Games), you can make the impossible, possible. You create your own realities in your own sphere. Thru imagination and creativity, you reach different places. The power of your mind will take you somewhere.

But just a reminder: Don't forget that fine line between reality and imagination. You might barge into imagination too much and you forget how it really works in reality.

The real world has a lot of uncertainties. We experience everything from the happiest to the most painful situations of life. Sometimes, we want to escape from all the problems that come our way. We want an easy way out of all the trials that test our characters.

But life is not like that. We cannot escape the complexities of life. All we need is to do, even if it costs a lot of sacrifices and pain, is to face and conquer it.

I must admit, I enjoyed both worlds. It's fun to live in a world where anything is possible. You can be whatever and whoever you want. Personally, all of my frustrations are made possible in my RPG world. I felt like somehow, I redeemed myself. But sometimes, having everything will not give us the true happiness. You can still find happiness in having less and enough. I learned to be contented for whatever I have. Indeed, contentment comes with happiness.

Imaginary and real world... How can we have two worlds at the same time? How do we draw abstraction from reality? How can we understand reality thru abstraction? I don't have the answers to these questions. I only have my experiences to share.

As we conquer these two worlds, our minds unconsciously work in between. We weigh things inside our heads. Even our hearts are involved in the process. How can we motivate ourselves not to be that attached to our fantasies and still maintain that connection with reality? Can we still distinguish imagination from reality?

I had moments in my life that I would tell myself, "Life would have been better if everything is within our reach. I wish RPG world is real," and "Reality is reality. Dealing with it may be hard but this is where we live. We'll face it no matter what it takes."

I presented imagination and reality in my perspective. Now, let me take you to a different side of RED STRINGS. In her world, everything seems to fall perfectly to place. But in truth, the behind stories complicates her world. Will she continue to live in that world or deviate herself back to where she really belongs?