Memory 23: When I Can't Write

This calls for a "back to my memory lane" free pass. I already wrote something about giving music a chance again after letting it stay in the backseat for some time. I think it's my second or third post here (Check Blog Archives). I just want to balance everything that I want to happen in my life. Mark my words -- I'M GOING TO MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Sun rays filled my room and touched my face to wake me up. The different warmth made me realize that it's another jobless day. Another home alone drama for me. 

I opened my computer to check any replies from different media outfit. But none came. Maybe it's not my lucky day.

I tried to amuse myself with social networking sites. But it only reminded me how lame my day would be again. I went downstairs and had breakfast with myself. The television kept entertaining me while I and my lonely oatmeal exchanged sad stories. Fun, isn't it? Felt like an old maid there. 

I lay down on the sofa and thought about everything. I am a fresh graduate, jobless, and lonely. How exciting but depressing at the same time. I just know there's something wrong with me. 

I reevaluated myself for the past four years. What have I been doing? I'm writing. Is it even my dream? No. Then why am I here? I don't know.

The summer heat got me nostalgic. I remembered the days when I would scream on top of my lungs that I will be a singer-songwriter someday. I thought about dancing too. And yes, I dreamed to be a performer. 

None of those dreams came to life. Maybe not today. Guess being a writer paved a different direction to my life. But unlike other writers out there, I am unsure of this direction. 

Every single day since I entered Journalism school, I always encountered a writer's block. I can't write anything. Or even think straight. I don't know how I managed to finish four years but a miracle just happened there. 

When I can't write, I listen to music. When I can't write, I sing my heart. When I can't write, I relive my dream in my heart. That's when I feel motivated. When I remember music, I feel inspired.

The sun is about to set and I stand here in the middle of the room. The lights are about to dim and so my hopes to have a job before summer ends. 

But my dreams of becoming a singer-songwriter will not dim with the lights. It will only shine brighter and will push me to this new direction -- a direction that I am willing to pursue no matter what even if I'm not a damn good writer.