This summer has been a roller coaster ride of emotions. I've been positive about the things happening in my life but at the end of the day, reality check, I'm losing my hope bit by bit.
A friend told me that she shares the same sentiment with me. "Is there something wrong with me? I gave it my best but it's always not good enough," she whined. Those words screamed inside my head.
What is happening, really? Should I give myself a break for a month or two? I'm considering a summer vacation extension in a rainy season. Yes. My situation is that bad.
I'm thankful that somehow my parents are not pushing me but the thought that I want help them really bugs me. It's not an obligation but a responsibility that pushes me to make an action. I've done a lot of actions but none paid off. Maybe trying too hard is not the key. Timing it is. Why? No matter how dedicated you are, if it's not meant for you, nothing will happen.
But seriously, this is emotionally draining. Even if I have the strength to go out everyday, my heart wants to shut down. I feel like I can give more but I don't have the energy to push through in the end. When you know what will happen, it's not exciting anymore.
Besides the Almighty Father, my family and friends are my source of strength. I just think about them or scan our reunion pictures make me the happiest. Slowly, I regain my strength.
I just want to escape for a day to a far away place. Just me. I just want my alone time again like what I had in Calereuga. But it will take me some time to be in that place. Soon.
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